should I lose weight - 五月雪の心晴

      从某种角度上毫不避讳地讲，我长得有点胖。因为胖，每天会照三次镜子，称三次体重。
      照镜子的时候，我的眼神会抓住肥胖得最突出的部位不放；而在上称时，我会时上时下并扭动身体使劲地把称摇两下。
      最胖的部位，莫过于臀部、大腿一块儿，典型的梨形身材使上下很不协调，但是长期不断的探索，我发现肉肉的挺可爱，于是愈发想看个清楚。
      称体重的时候，我不会把称当作神圣的法官，而是devil之类，我喜欢看称中的指针乱晃，我想摸索有股魔力在怎样开玩笑。
      于是，每天依然三次照镜子，三次称体重。体重呈正弦函数变化，并且有着夸张的振幅。
      同学们看着我我每天都在严格控制饮食，每天都在计算卡路里，每天都用镜子和称检验毫无起色的效果，只有我知道，我时时刻刻都在冲动，总体上在矛盾中选择最现实的事情，如果是真的饿了，就不能虐待自己。
      爸爸在电话那一端清晰听到了我报给他的三位数，他先一沉思一会儿，然后说：一般高科学研究的人都进食较少，以免胃向大脑争夺血液中的血糖。
      我是偏胖体质，即使也许不久会减下来。胖是一种生活态度，是思想意识，所以我常对爸爸说：我不适合搞科学研究。
      然后就邂逅了以下文章，太太太喜欢我们外教Mr. Eric了，上课的材料总是很富有创造性，彻底摆脱lilei-hanmeimei模式。<<The lean and Hungry Look>>就是他介绍的一本书，课堂上节选了一段供我们欣赏，看完之后，感受颇多。

Caesar was right. Thin people need watching. I've been watching them for most of my adult life; and I don't like what I see. When these narrow fellows spring at me, I quiver to my toes. Thin people come in all personalities, most of whom menacing. You've got your "together" thin person, your mechanical thin person, your condescending thin person, your tsk-tsk thin person, your efficiency-expert thin person. All of them are dangerous.

凯撒说得对。要留心瘦子。我成人后大部分时间都在留心他们，且对我所见并不喜欢。当这些瘦长的人轻盈地向我走来时，我浑身都打颤。瘦人个性不一，但大多数都具有威胁性。有的镇静自若，有的机械呆板，有的居高临下，有的牢骚满腹，有的精明强干。他们都很危险。

In the first place, thin people aren't fun. They don't know how to goof off, at least in the best, fat sense of the word. They've always got to be adoing. Give them a coffee break, and they'll jog around the block. Supply them with a quiet evening at home, and they'll fix the screen door and lick S&H green stamps. They say things like "there aren't enough hours in the day." Fat people never say that. Fat people think the day is too damn long already.

首先，瘦人不好玩。他们不会闲度时光，至少不会像胖人那样尽情地享受清闲。他们老是忙忙碌碌的。给他们喝杯咖啡的工夫，他们也会绕街区跑上一圈。让他们清静一个晚上吧，他们又会去修纱门。他们会说一些“一天时间不够用”之类的话。胖人从来不说这个。胖人认为一天已经长得烦死人了。

Thin people make me tired. They've got speedy little metabolisms that cause them to bustle briskly. They're forever rubbing their bony hands together and eyeing new problems to "tackle." I like to surround myself with sluggish, inert, easygoing fat people, the kind who believe that if you clean it up today, it'll just get dirty again tomorrow.

瘦人让我感到很累。他们新陈代谢快，所以跑前跑后忙个不停。他们总是搓着自己的瘦手，盯着看哪儿有新问题要解决。我喜欢和懒洋洋、不爱动但很随和的胖人呆在一起，他们属于那种认为今天打扫了卫生明天还会弄脏的人。

Some people say the business about the jolly fat person is a myth, that all of us chubbies are neurotic, sick, sad people. I disagree. Fat people may not be chortling all day long, but they're a hell of a lot nicer than the wizened and shriveled. Thin people turn surly, mean and hard at a young age because they never learn the value of a hot-fudge sundae for easing tension. Thin people don't like gooey soft things because they themselves are neither gooey nor soft. They are crunchy and dull, like carrots. They go straight to the heart of the matter while fat people let things stay all blurry and hazy and vague, the way things actually are. Thin people want to face the truth. Fat people know there is not truth. One of my thin friends is always staring at complex unsolvable problems and saying, "The key thing is..." Fat people never say that. They know there isn't any such thing as the key thing about anything.

有人说,那些关于快乐胖子的说法都是没有道理的，说我们这些胖子们都神经质, 因为他们本人既不粘也不软。他们像胡萝卜一样脆而难吃。他们直接切入问题的要害，而胖人则让事情处于模糊和朦胧的状态———事情本来就是这样。瘦人想面对事情的真相，胖人知道不存在真相。我的一个瘦朋友总是盯着复杂而无法解决的问题说“关键的是……”，胖人从不这么说，他们知道任何事情都不存在关键之类的东西。、有毛病、悲观，我不同意。胖人可能不会成天穷聊，但他们比那些干巴萎缩的人要好出百倍。瘦人年纪轻轻就变得古怪、心地不善甚至狠毒，因为他们弄不明一杯热腾腾的松糕圣代对缓和紧张状况的价值。瘦人不喜欢又粘又软的东西

Thin people believe in logic. Fat people see all sides. The sides fat people see are rounded blobs, usually gray, always nebulous and truly not worth worrying about. But the thin person persists. "If you consume more calories than you burn," says one of my thin friends, "you will gain weight. It's that simple." Fat people always grin when they hear statements like that. They know better.

瘦人相信逻辑。胖人看到事情的方方面面，他们看到的都是圆圆的一滴，一般是灰色的，总是模糊不清，而且不值得担心。但瘦人则坚持把事情搞清楚。“如果你吸收的热量超过了你消耗的，”我的一位瘦朋友说，“你就会长胖。就这么简单。”胖人听到类似这样的话就会咧嘴而笑。他们更明白。

Fat people realize that life is illogical and unfair. They know very well that God is not in his heaven and all is not right with the world. If God was up there, fat people could have two doughnuts and a big orange drink anytime they wanted it.

胖人认识到生活是不符合逻辑的、也是不公平的。他们非常清楚他们的天空里没有上帝，而且世界上总有什么地方不对劲儿。如果真有上帝的话，胖人就可以随时得到两个面包圈和一大杯橙汁。

Thin people have a long list of logical things they are always spouting off to me. They hold up one finger at a time as they reel off these things, so I won't lose track. They speak slowly as if to a young child. The list is long and full of holes. It contains tidbits like "get a grip on yourself," "cigarettes kill," "cholesterol clogs," "fit as a fiddle," "ducks in a row," "organize," and "sound fiscal management." Phrases like that.

瘦人能滔滔不绝地列出一大堆符合逻辑的事情。他们一边讲一边竖起一个手指头，生怕我跟不上。他们把语速放慢，好像在和一个小孩子说话似的。他们罗列的事情很多且漏洞百出，包括一些经典性的话语，如“要自控”、“抽烟能致命”、“胆固醇堵塞”、“健如牛”、“把事情安排得井井有条”、“组织起来”、“健全的财务管理”等类似的话语。

They think these 2000-point plans lead to happiness. Fat people know happiness is elusive at best and even if they could get the kind thin people talk about, they wouldn't want it. Wisely, fat people see that such programs are too dull, too hard, too off the mark. They are never better than a whole cheesecake.

他们认为这些能列出2000条的计划能够给人带来幸福。胖人认为，幸福充其量是捉摸不定的，即使他们能得到瘦人所说的那种幸福，他们也懒得要。胖人很明智，因为他们明白这些计划太单调、太难、太离谱，什么时候也比不上一整块奶酪蛋糕。

Fat people know all about the mystery of life. They are the ones acquainted with the night, with luck, with fate, with playing it by ear. One thin person I know once suggested that we arrange all the parts of a jigsaw puzzle into groups according to size, shape, and color. He figured this would cut the time needed to complete the puzzle by at least 50 percent. I said I wouldn't do it. One, I like to muddle through. Two, what good would it do to finish early? Three, the jigsaw puzzle isn't the important thing. The important thing is the fun of four people (one thin person included) sitting around a card table, working a jigsaw puzzle. My thin friend had no use for my list. Instead of joining us, he went outside and mulched the boxwoods. The three remaining fat people finished the puzzle and made chocolate, double-fudged brownies to celebrate.

胖人知道生活中的所有神秘之处。他们是那些熟悉夜晚、运气、命运和跟着感觉走的人。我认识一个瘦子，他曾经建议我们把一个拼图游戏的所有插片按大小、形状和颜色进行归类。他琢磨着这样做可以把完成拼图的时间至少减少一半。我说我不想这样：一、我喜欢敷衍了事；二、干嘛要那么早完成；三、拼图游戏并不重要，重要的是四个人（包括一个瘦子）围着一张牌桌玩拼图游戏所得到的乐趣。我的瘦朋友一点儿也不接受我列的这三点，所以他索性出去找活干，把落叶堆在黄杨树下。剩下的三个胖子，把游戏做完后还做了双层果仁巧克力方块蛋糕，表示庆祝。

The main problem with thin people is they oppress. Their good intentions, bony torsos, tight ships, neat corners, cerebral machinations, and pat solutions loom like dark clouds over the loose, comfortable, spread-out, soft world of the fat. Long after fat people have removed their coats and shoes and put their feet up on the coffee table, thin people are still sitting on the edge of the sofa, looking neat as a pin, discussing rutabagas. Fat people are heavily into fits of laughter, slapping their thighs and whooping it up, while thin people are still politely waiting for the punch line.

瘦人的主要问题是让人感到压抑。他们的善意、严谨、高效、整洁、干巴巴的躯干、聪明把戏和成套的解决方法，像乌云一样在胖人宽松、舒服、敞开和柔软的世界里时隐时现。当胖人早就脱下外衣和鞋子把脚放在咖啡桌上时，瘦人还穿得整整齐齐地坐在沙发的边上谈家常呢。胖人不时发出开怀的笑声，拍着他们的大腿欢呼着，而瘦人还在彬彬有礼地等着故事中的妙句呢。

Thin people are downers. They like math and morality and reasoned evaluation of the limitations of human beings. They have their skinny little acts together. They expound, prognose, probe, and prick.

瘦人很乏味。他们喜欢数学、道德和对人类极限的合理评估。他们充分调动其瘦人的行为，去阐述、预测、探索和寻觅。

Fat people are convivial. They will like you even if you're irregular and have acne. They will come up with a good reason why you never wrote the great American novel. They will cry in your beer with you. They will put your name in the pot. They will let you off the hook. Fat people will gab, giggle, guffaw, galumph, gyrate, and gossip. They are generous, giving, and gallant. They are gluttonous and goodly and great. What you want when you're down is soft and jiggly, not muscled and stable. Fat people know this. Fat people have plenty of room. Fat people will take you in.

胖人喜欢宴饮交际。即使你体型不标准，长有粉刺，他们依然喜欢你。他们能为你写不出伟大的美国小说找到一个好理由，他们和你一起同饮共醉，他们牢记你的名字，他们让你无拘无束。胖人会闲聊、咯咯地笑、大笑、转着圈地笑、说长道短。他们大方、无私、仗义。他们贪吃、善良、出色。你情绪低落时需要的是软乎乎和颤动的东西，而不是健壮和稳定。胖人知道这一点，胖人有博大的心胸，胖人能容得下你。
       然后我就想啊，胖得不是没有道理的。
    比如说刚发下来的考过的英语quize，分数不高，词汇题做的一片狼藉，我就搞不懂，为什么care about 就是care about，就死活不能是care for?相信大家都区分得清楚，可我现在还是搞不懂。幸好文章理解做得趋近满分所以顺利及格，好像不是每个人都趋近满分的。真搞不懂当初怎么混进快班了。
     比如说那个物理期中考试题，我真是那个郁闷，郁闷啊！倒数第二题，我就纯粹自己推出来的，虽然说是书本上原题，凭我的记忆力和反应速度是完全搞不定的，但是我做出来了，掌声鼓励，尽管付出的代价是较晚才交卷。可不小心考完后翻书的时候发现我的答案怎么长得这么搞笑，天列，磁场的能量密度等于磁感应强度的平方处于2倍的磁感应系数，是磁感应强度的平方，平方啊！我老老实实地做题，还老老实实地记公式，结果还听说很多人作弊。我从高中就是这样，洒脱，不看重分数，可是我上学期的分实在萧条啊，就差挂的了。这学期我只能孤注一掷啊。
      比如说，做实验，每次用吸耳球移液时，首先液体再不稳定的气压作用下向最前线冲锋，然后当迅速移开吸耳球的瞬间，冲锋陷阵的液体直跌深渊，用粘度法测分子大小实验中，就为了移区区几点几毫升的液体，兴师动众，我就在那循环往复以至无穷，老师傻眼了，同学在狂笑...而在做物理分光计实验中，每次读游标我就头晕，怎么读吗，这一块刻度全都对齐吗！老师眼尖，一眼就认出数据问题，重新读数，当时实验室只剩我和他两人，其他人都走光了，他在吃盒饭，我在读分光计的游标卡尺。
       再比如说，实验数据处理问题，为什么3、33和3、333有如此大的不同以至严谨的同学们还要如此讨论；比如说作业问题，鹏鹏老师曾在班上说那句：怎么能不交作业，你应该拷问一下你自己的灵魂。我的心就一阵抽搐；比如说高三化学老师再三强调检查作业，我就偏偏没做，还算很客气的把我请到教室门外；比如说早自习经常迟到...
      ... ...
      我偏胖，但不是全是肥肉。就如人格分裂split personality一样，我也有瘦的地方。逻辑是个很神奇的东西，严谨是个好习惯，但这都是在外力压迫下才会滋长的东西，我不是不会严谨，逻辑，而且从小到大，数学相对是我的强项。可是，在这种内在环境中，我缺失了好多东西，幽默感，满足感，可能我的天性是慵懒的，对外界的定义是未知不确定模糊的，老子的“无为”就这样顺其自然地在我身上显现。
      因为存在于思想意识的胖，即有了包容，心宽体胖、大腹便便，博大、博爱、博学。
      也由于瘦，严谨、高效、逻辑，他们更适合于呆在实验室，面对着数据畅想。
      可是，有没有由瘦走到胖的过程？
      爸爸曾说：很多国家领导人都是理工科出生的，胡锦涛就是读的水利工程系。
       但是，我现在的专业是：生命科学！要学好就要暂时摒弃我的天性，这样值得吗？Should I lose weight?